I remember when I first started questioning my sexuality I was certain I wasn’t a lesbian for a lot of reasons. Of course the first was that I definitely Liked Men :) but I also firmly believed in the “mean lesbian” trope.
It’s taken me a while to identify it but lesbians are often seen as mean, petty, catty, angry, ugly, man hating, illogical, and, well, mean. And I was a Nice Girl, so obviously I wasn’t a lesbian, because lesbians are mean and I liked to smile at people.
And I was disappointed when I admitted to myself that I probably was a lesbian, not only because I didn’t want to be, but because I didn’t want to be associated with lesbians. I didn’t want my community to be one of Mean Lesbians.
And while there are certainly lesbians who are mean, what I actually encountered in the lesbian community was not mean lesbians. I encountered tough lesbians, lesbian who took no shit from anybody, tired lesbians, and lesbians who had abandoned their conditioned femininity and heterosexuality in favor of presenting in a way more true to themselves, lesbians who refused to coddle both men and straight women alike, lesbians who had adapted to their homophobic environment by growing thick skins and self confidence.
And to the outside world, I guess maybe it does look mean. If we pretend that there is no malicious homophobia behind the Mean Lesbian stereotype (even though we all know there is) I’m even willing to admit that those who think lesbians are mean are probably just drowning in their own ignorance.
Realistically, there are a lot of other reasons people think lesbians are mean. Lesbians get a really shitty deal, for the most part, because of society’s refusal to value women or a love of women. And if you’re a trans lesbian or a lesbian of color? You can bet your ass society hates that even more.
Part of me thinks the Mean Lesbian stereotype comes from a hetero-patriarchal world trying to punish us for who we are. If we want to be unapologetically lesbian, then society will make damn sure that it makes an example of us to warn other women off our path and to demonize us as evil people.
Most of me wants to pin down why lesbians are so demonized (beyond the truthful but simplified “misogyny and homophobia” answer), but the rest of me is just glad I was able to break through the bullshit and see lesbians unpolluted. All of the Mean Lesbians™ I’ve ever had the pleasure of interacting with have actually been wonderful and kind people - they were just tired of dealing with lesbophobic bullshit and dont have unlimited energy to coddle cis straight women and men.
At the end of the day, there are shitty people in every group, even lesbians, but generally lesbians have been some of the kindest, most genuine people I’ve ever spoken to, and I feel blessed to be a part of this community, even if society refuses to recognize us for the people we are.
if you think that a line written by a third party in a booket from a spin off game that also gets game play mechanics wrong counts
as hard proof that nintendo says they’re cousins you’re a fool and i’d appreciate not getting 89098 messages about ‘AREN’T THEY COUSINS/SISTERS/RELATED’ in my inbox thanks.
anyway i love these princesses and they love each other and they kiss all the time in the sun of mushroom kingdom
me, watching people surpass me in literally every possible way: haha! great for them :) also! starting at noon i will be burying myself under leaves and decaying slowly, feel free to stop by!
nevermind!!! i wrote this at a dark time in my life while my recovery was just getting started!!!!!! while sometimes i am still insecure and feel left behind, im learning to celebrate my own successes as being important!!! no matter how small they are!!!!!
it IS great when other people succeed!! i’m proud of them!!! i am also proud of me and you and any other person who has survived the slow decay that is mental illness!!!!!!!!!! we got buried by our minds but instead of rotting we turned ourselves into trees!!!!!!!!!!!
wlw media so often feels fake and wo love and wo passion and thats bc its usually directed by men and acted out w straight actors and it just fills our screens with plastic women with dead eyes and gaping mouths who looks at her love interest like shes a paycheck.
there wasnt love in carol and there wasnt love in blue is the warmest color and there wasnt love in the handful of movies where the lesbians arent even the focus theyre just a sidenote.
at best we get one lesbian or bisexual actress. one girl trying her hardest and pushing for this romance and trying to represent what she needed to see when she was younger, but theres literally only so much you can do when youre just one person.
like when i say i want passion i dont even mean fighting or evilness or unhealthy dynamics or angst bc thats been done over and over again and none of it has love inherent in it.
i want to see a girl on screen look at another girl and feel like she couldnt breath before she met her. i want to see girls who would burn the world down for the other. who would die and become gods if it meant they could stay together just minutes longer. i want romance where a confession feels like salvation. i want love that changes you from the inside out, where there wont be another one, where you cant afford to squander this one, where you walk to the ends of the earth and beyond just to kiss a girls hand and to feel her embrace.
passion and devotion and conflict and trust and love that feels like heartbreak.
